easy and hard.

There are things that are easy to say, like: I want something new or I need an adventure. We all crave that break from the monotony of our daily lives. But there are some things that are harder to say, like: How in the world can I put into words how much you mean to me?

Because we don’t even know it until we see the snapshots of worth later flashing into our brain: a blue sweater and fuzzy socks, you laughing trying to find something in the mess of our house, a dog that rips up receipts into piles all over the house. And you. Always you.

We live incredible moments. We have incredible conversations. But never will we stop in the midst of what feels like a heavy fight to say: we are breaking ground here. We are refining each other and becoming better and wow, it is incredible.

Thank heavens for the snapshots. We see our moments from minutes to years ago and we cherish them. We say, “incredible”.

There are some things that are easy to say, like: there has to be more. But there are some things that are harder to say, like: this is enough; you are enough.

But isn’t that what those struck by tragedy are always telling us-- appreciate what is around you. You’ll want to when it’s gone. Even you, pulling out of the drive-way, I think- wait. That moment, in the kitchen, where all you did was pull your arms around me and kiss me goodbye, the usual-- incredible. And all at once I want it back. And there it is, the snapshot.

There are some things that are easy to say like: hello. It’s easy to say “bring it on” to the new jobs and new cities and new friends. And there are things that are harder, like: goodbye. I remember once in college, driving away from the pre-school that I worked at-- saying goodbye-- “this is it” to three year olds who didn’t understand that and I got in my car and just wept. This was some magic and now it’s over- and still- I still remember that moment and it makes me sad. The goodbyes since have followed: tears driving down a highway onto a new hello, but tarnished because of one word that can make your heart sick.

We are weighed down by the goodbyes and the heartbreaks that belong to us.Even as we move on, there is an uncharted weight that the words accompanied with new changes bring: goodbye.

There are some things that are easy to say, like: sorry. I forgot to realize how great you are until this moment. But there are some things that are harder to say, like: I forgive you.

We’ll live between the snapshots of a good, sweet, and wonderful life that holds those adjectives because it’s the only one I’ve got and it is my own. We’ll continue to live in the massive space between adventure and monotony, between more and enough, between hello and goodbye, between sorry and  I forgive you. It’s an awful big space with no rules except for that you won’t survive without grace and your heart will ache and swell in all the right ways and all the wrong ways. And we’ll keep trying to figure out how to put life into words and somewhere in the midst of that, we’ll remember to just enjoy it. And for now, that’s enough.