It's been exactly two weeks since we brought baby home-- a crazy feeling when you're released into the world thinking, "who let us have a baby?!" There is no shortage or emotions with this incredible life shift, but all of that for another day. But truly-- like they say-- nothing can truly prepare you for parenthood. You just have to go into every day thinking-- I have no idea what I'm doing-- and somehow things will fall into place. It's how I felt the whole time I was pregnant-- what the heck is happening here-- and you just have to let go of the idea that you're in control. For my high strung personality, pregnancy- and now motherhood- have sorely rearranged me.
(which, many would argue, is a really good thing) I agree-- I wanted to be a different person at the end of pregnancy than at the beginning-- and I feel like I am. Moldable, still. Trying to figure out what this new version of me will look like. We are all figuring out this new family thing.
The world feels very small these days. Me. Andrew. Chief. Hattie. Small house with limited walls. One of the things you can control and prepare for through pregnancy is the nursery. Of course, a baby has no idea what a nursery looks like and material possessions don't really matter as you figure out this new bond. But, it did act as a tangible room of prayer throughout pregnancy-- praying and wondering and hoping for the future of this child that was weirdly inside me not very long ago. Life is different now, but that room is still a place a peace and my hope is that it continues to be that. It may seem kind of silly to give a baby a whole room-- but (even though we won't live in this sweet rental home forever) it is a place to dream and grow and become.
I have hopes and dreams of my own of who this little girl will become. But I know ultimately, she will be whoever she wants and we will love her dearly. I hope she learns to love others boldly. I hope she loves to read and finds adventures in stories. I hope she runs wild with her own beautiful imagination. I hope she casts vision for a better world and defies the status quo. I hope she knows how valued and loved she is. I hope she is a light bringer in a world of darkness.