. If there was ever a year to wreck and rebuild me, this would be the one. I’ve never in my life walked out of a year with such a foggy recollection of what the beginning was like- January 2017 a distant memory, the girl inhabiting my shoes a different person entirely.
I thought I would run a marathon and have sick abs this year as I sought to “purify” my life. Oh, the irony. My body-view and worldview were flipped on their head this year. I’m grateful even if that gratefulness is in hindsight and there were a lot of tears.
I spent a lot of this year angry about what I’ve seen in the world and in the news and in Twitter feeds full of hate. A lot of people say the easiest way to “be thankful” is just to avoid anything bad happening in the world. I think that’s a load of crap. Stay mad, people. Fight for better.
I didn’t think I was ready to be a mom. But as I leave 2017, I see that my identity has only been added to and in no way diminished. I can’t believe I have the honor of knowing, loving, and raising Hattie.
A year can’t be just good or bad. This is life. We’re all of a bunch of humans trying to figure it out: some bad, some good. Some beginnings, some endings. Rhythms and repetitions. I feel more centered this year. Less upset in all that I haven’t accomplished yet. There is still a lot of work to be done, and as much as I love the battle cry that a new, fresh slate of a year brings nothing in our timeline ever really is what we think it will be. It’s best to keep showing up and throwing punches.
I want more. Not more stuff. But more justice. More kindness. More dreams cominf true. For me. For Andrew. For my friends. For my family. For strangers.
But today is what it is.
And so today, the last day of 2017, that is enough.