here i sit again. alone in a coffee shop along the edges of a perfect world between friday and sunday. for too long the limitations of a long distance relationship have defined and discouraged us. for too long.
and then there are the sweetest moments. and here we go again. i want to be bold and brave and independent but, to be honest, i’m just not anymore. there is beauty in all of those things. there is.
but there is also a moment where you feel defeated because you know your heart has been welded to the heart of another. that, as lame as it sounds, you belong beside another. not because, oh you are so in love —- even though you are you know how tough love is, but that is not why—– because you ache and feel uncomfortable with separation now.
to feel that ache is a powerful thing. to know that you have become so complete with the heart of another that living life day by day without it feels so wrong, so very wrong. to ache because that boy is the ONLY thing in your life you feel sure about right now. when all other decisions and plans feel rocky– those two hearts are just not able to break the bond that the Lord has tethered between them.
that ache is strong. and it is humbling to think that it is only a small, small ( incomparable really ) picture of the way the Lord LONGS, longs deeply and desires to spend the day by day moments with us. i’m humbled because i could never imagine wishing that ache upon my Creator but i have. i am not allowing Him the joys of a relationship that is anything but long distance. i give Him my moments, my weekends of joy. but the moment by moment is missing.
i’m learning that the Lord gives us human counterparts to show us different pieces of the way He loves us. i am stubborn and for too long i have tried to be independent and self-sufficient. until i was given another human to love and feel the distance deeply and in that ache the Lord is whispering, “that’s how i feel. for you. for all of you”.
so today thankful for human love and humbled by heavenly.
i cannot change the distance between andrew and i today, but i can change the distance i have given the Lord in my daily life.