on inadequacy.

i am inadequate. i am weak. i am not enough.

and i was never intended to be.

i am two days into teaching at brainerd high, and already i feel as though i have been hit by a train. it is a different world than any i have ever known. by the end of the first day, i didn’t want to be there anymore. i wanted to run towards the people and the places that i know and fit in. and okay yes, i still do.

but i am learning and accepting that sometimes inadequacy is required in order for the Lord to move.

because the God of this universe looks at these sweet 15 year olds who introduced themselves with talk of drugs and parties without a distant thought to their future. and He LOVES THEM. so damn much. He loves them and has plans for them too. i sit around begging the Lord to show me his plans for me, me, me. to give me comfort and to surround me with the known. and basically to take me back to where i want to be. but He has strong plans for them too. He has counted the hairs on their heads too. so we will all just sit in a concrete classroom, none of us really wanting to be there and learn that our inadequacy can be beaten by the King of the wind and the rain and our hearts.

but i’m the teacher.
so i guess it starts with me.